Foreigner? An American Outcast in His Own Homeland

Guest Column by Pak-Man:

Am I a foreigner? Americans certainly seem to think so. In the space of a couple of hours, I was once "accused" of being a foreigner, and once informed that I am being investigated by the highest intelligence levels of the United States Air Force for being a "foreign national".

I was born in Washington, D.C., not far from the White House. I am as American as motherfucking apple pie.

By e-mail, my roommate from college notified me that I may soon be receiving a call from the United States Air Force and/or CIA. He is currently upgrading his security status to "Top Secret" and underwent an extensive interview and vetting process in which he was asked about his contact with any and all foreign nationals during his lifetime.

He writes: "I told them about our long history together" (we roomed together at a Southern university for eight months). He then writes that "they may be calling you over the next few days to ask you a few questions."

Once again, I was born in Washington, D.C., the capital of these United States. I have never been a foreign national, and I never will be. Now I have the feds breathing down my neck because I have a Muslim surname.

Two hours later, a patient in the hospital, a veteran of the Vietnam War with bilateral above the knee amputations shouted at me, "The reason I'm like this is because of a foreigner like you!"

Once again, I am not a foreigner. I am proud of whatever foreign heredity I have, from both Pakistan and India, but by no definition of the word am I a foreigner. I was born here and have paid hundreds of thousands of dollars of taxes here, and have even, if truth be told, saved more than a few American lives in my work as a physician - far, far more lives than our "brave boys in the service" have saved in their murderous raping rampages in Iraq.

I needn't even have informed the Vietnam veteran that my "foreigness" is not related to Vietnam in any way, nor is it related to Korea or Germany or Japan or Iraq or Afghanistan or Panama or Grenada or the Philippines or Somalia or Cuba or any of the other places in which our fearless government has sent its fearless Christian sons.

This is what you get for being Muslim in America: accused of being a fifth column, never accepted as a "real American". Ever noticed how racist the description "all-American girl" or "all-American guy" is? It just means someone with blue eyes and blonde hair. No black person can be said to have "an all-American" look.

Motherfuckers. This is my reward for saving their lives. No white person ever flew to Pakistan or India to save my grandparents' lives when they were suffering and dying in hospitals there.